marathon

strange things are afoot
so i heard from a reliable source that i may be getting fired..
eventually.
which seems completely bizarre to me.
because i'm getting promoted and i got a raise.
so this leads me to think that either when things are more settled they want someone who is more experienced or well i don't know what other sort of explanation there is .
basically someone was kind of floating around the kitchen.
and heard our new head chef saying well what do we do about marissa.
should i keep her on?.
they can't afford to lose me right now just based on the pure lack of people working in the back of house.
and truthfully if they wanted to find a person with more experience i can't imagine this person would actually work there for the price that they would be able to pay them.
i don't know either way.
i'm guessing i have a couple of months if this is all true.
so i know i'll be fine but still i worry.
and i'm a quiet person in general.
but they don't treat me like i know anything or with any sort of respect whatsoever.
i'm a kid who just got out of culinary school to them.
which i am of course.
but still.
they have no interest in teaching me anything if they are tasting something they never offer it to me never ask any sort of opinions and im not an intrusive person so i'm not gonna correct them or put my face in what they are doing if this makes me a bad person or a bad chef in training i don' tknow .
i'm gonna have a conversation with bj.
and ask him just basically what he expects from me what i can do to be better
and general stuff not trying to overly bearing or hinting that i heard anything.
everyday they talk shit about adam.
and it drives me nuts i mean i know he fucked up.
but i also know he wore himself thin there and just lived at that restaurant and he wouldn't put out food that he thought was bad.
every item he put out was gorgeous and tasted amazing.
and all that is heard or remembered is that he was late
and a drunk.
he was my chef my first chef i've ever worked for.
i looked up to him even if i shouldn't have.
and he's told me several times that i remind him of the person he was when he was younger.
this wide eyed optimism and hope and wanting to be better but being a tad standoff ish.
not feeling comfortable or normal in any sense of the word.
having a strong connection to the artistic qualities in things rather than the logical.
i have a bunch more stuff to make soon.
i'm working on finding a vegan flatbread recipe.
i'd love to make naan bread that wouldbe the shit.
so i'll just focus on my work right now and hope not to be blindsided.
-M