love and bartenders

so .
i'm not out yet.
i cut my thumb at work on a mandolin
i'm still not getting paid.
i'm getting punk'd by the people i work with everyday.
but i've found some hope.
while i do get punked, messed with, picked on.
and while it's all very frustrating i do understand that these people do not hate me
i imagine they only want the best for me.
we went out drinking on sunday night.
and this guy i work with.
well. we will see.
i mean. i hate that i got teased about it at work.
nothing did happen but the entire conversation i had with this man just made me feel hope.
something that i haven't felt in a while.
i was so defeated and lost. i just needed some sort of boost.
who knew it would be from a 6'3 bartender.
so we will see where this goes but i don't want anything till i'm out of this apartment.
the mixed signals still continue.
he offered to pay for me to move out but i turned him down.
i told him when i do move out i don't want to see him anymore.
i don't know if it's possible to hurt alex because he sure as hell doesn't act like it.
but when i told him he broke my heart it seemed to hit him in some way so i guess that's good.
at least i know he can feel some things.
my emotions aren't a weakness and fuck anyone who thinks they are. that is pretty much what i've learned from this. i don't regret jumping in so quickly because what i did i did with love and my whole being and i like knowing i took that risk for love. even if it did end up hurting.
-m