i tried to put my hand to brush back his hair right now.
to which he replied angrily
"what are you doing?"..
nothing..
nothing at all..
.
where did it go wrong.
.
i can probably listen to simple kind of life over and over again.
i feel stupid now for wanting those simple things.
especially when he feels i need to want more .
more than just a happy job happy life happy boyfriend..
i need to not want him.
..because then .
he seems actually interested.
today..
it seemed to be a good day ..
until just right now.
he woke up this morning just to talk to her.
and then when i got on the phone with my grandmother
and started talking to her about everything..
not revealing the bad stuff.
he heard what i was saying and got flirty.
and i dunno..
the signals are so mixed..
he tells me he doesn't want to try and then we have these good days.
only to be interrupted by moments. where
he chooses to live on this island that i can't seem to break him away from.
so i'm looking for apartments to rent and room with someone else craigslist looks really promising.
but i just have to finish my hours.
i can't take the emotional abuse anymore.
it hurts to much.
i don't exsist and his selfishness just hurts even more.
he could give a shit about me and my happiness.
so i guess i should try to find someone who does.
-m