too dramatic

another day.
tomorrow is my birthday.
which feels like just another day..
i'm working so i doubt i will actually do anything.
i'm off on thursday and that is actually his birthday and well he's working.
so i'll probably go down to the magnificent mile to see if i can find anything.
i'm thinking tea products.
either that some dorky form of cowboy bebop or avatar no books though
the reading thing while i get.
can feel a bit threatening at times.
i feel like i only know him so much and i'm dying to know everything about him.
i know it sounds a bit crazy or smothering but i love him so much and i just want to know everything.
and he's not really an emotional guy so when i get at all emotional about almost anything .
i kind of get shot down.
my feelings are valid and i hate it when he feels they are unjustified.
but i guess you can't argue with a sociopath.
he says that i'm only upset because things aren't going my way.
i told him it has nothing to do with that.
i am not aware right now if his mother knows we are living together he says it's probably assumed and then he throws the race card down.
i hate that damn race card.
"you wouldn't understand, you're not mexican".
fuck that drives me nuts.
i get it. morals, ideals and such.
but i am a person and i refuse to be kept a secret.
anyways.
that is my frustration.
other than that things are fine.
i just have to set this aside and make him realize it's not about whether i'm right or he is .
it's about the whole situation.
let's see i talked to my grandma.
she's doing ok.
she's in the hospital what feels like once a week.
i'm glad i got to see her before i left.
it meant a lot.
i got all weepy again last night.
not because i was home sick..
or anything like that.
it's because i brought some photographs with me. and one was.
me at about 3 or 4 with my great grandmother.
and i just started thinking about how i should of asked her more and gotten to know her better ..
but i was so young when she died.
about 11. i didn't think about the knowledge she could give me .
just the fun we had.
i know it does nothing to dwell..
but it just makes me miss my grandmother virginia even more.
and how important that connection is to have.
okay. well. i have to finish watching survivor and contemplating buying wireless for the apartment.
-m