so my birthday not a whole lot.
my father didn't call me..
big surprise..
and apparently it was ,well at least to everyone but me.
for his birthday i got him a small S'more ice cream cake
a card that said something like.
anyone who doesn't wish you a happy birthday is a lamewad
the second book in a new series he's reading
and a pint of merlot chocolate chip ice cream
he seemed to like it.
they were kind of mean/cool to him
they found out it was his birthday
and filled up a huge bucket with ice water and dumped it on him.
twice.
once earlier in the day and then again before he left for the night
when he got home he was still wet..
i felt bad.
but again i guess it was cool that they were being so playful but i still think it blows
i'm at starbucks again getting my wifi/coffee fix.
watching my crappy reality television.
-m

too dramatic

another day.
tomorrow is my birthday.
which feels like just another day..
i'm working so i doubt i will actually do anything.
i'm off on thursday and that is actually his birthday and well he's working.
so i'll probably go down to the magnificent mile to see if i can find anything.
i'm thinking tea products.
either that some dorky form of cowboy bebop or avatar no books though
the reading thing while i get.
can feel a bit threatening at times.
i feel like i only know him so much and i'm dying to know everything about him.
i know it sounds a bit crazy or smothering but i love him so much and i just want to know everything.
and he's not really an emotional guy so when i get at all emotional about almost anything .
i kind of get shot down.
my feelings are valid and i hate it when he feels they are unjustified.
but i guess you can't argue with a sociopath.
he says that i'm only upset because things aren't going my way.
i told him it has nothing to do with that.
i am not aware right now if his mother knows we are living together he says it's probably assumed and then he throws the race card down.
i hate that damn race card.
"you wouldn't understand, you're not mexican".
fuck that drives me nuts.
i get it. morals, ideals and such.
but i am a person and i refuse to be kept a secret.
anyways.
that is my frustration.
other than that things are fine.
i just have to set this aside and make him realize it's not about whether i'm right or he is .
it's about the whole situation.
let's see i talked to my grandma.
she's doing ok.
she's in the hospital what feels like once a week.
i'm glad i got to see her before i left.
it meant a lot.
i got all weepy again last night.
not because i was home sick..
or anything like that.
it's because i brought some photographs with me. and one was.
me at about 3 or 4 with my great grandmother.
and i just started thinking about how i should of asked her more and gotten to know her better ..
but i was so young when she died.
about 11. i didn't think about the knowledge she could give me .
just the fun we had.
i know it does nothing to dwell..
but it just makes me miss my grandmother virginia even more.
and how important that connection is to have.
okay. well. i have to finish watching survivor and contemplating buying wireless for the apartment.
-m

reporting from chicago.
so far i love my internship.
they are understanding fun loving people that want nothing but to help me.
i start everyday portioning and cleaning the herbs section and they give me projects for the rest of the day chopping vegetables portioning ingredients getting everything prepped for sundays.. my hours aren't that bad for an externship .. 40 a week. and i get mondays and thursdays off.
i plan on getting some stationary and stamps tomorrow so people look out for letters.
i've also been reading more than i thought i would i got totally enthralled in this book by dan wells called "i am not a serial killer"..
pretty damn good.
my birthday is coming up.
and so is his.
any ideas?..
i have no clue what to get him.
i wanted to by him a pair of boots of some kind but we walked by a place and every suggestion i made he shot down. dunno.
i guess i'll just have to go on a walk i'm sure i'll find something.
i watched that film Never let me go on thursday.
it was really good it was like watching the book unfolding in front of me.
and by that i mean well i never read the book
but the way it was shot felt like a novel.
it was very beautiful despite my hate for kiera knightley
though i must confess she totally sucked me into the dutchess.
anyways so im leaving the theatre and i start talking to this woman and asked her what she thought of the film. and she just kept saying how she thought it was "sick"..
and i didn't understand i mean i loved the film.
that said. the film.. this is no secret..
as it is revealed early in the film.. with all the special talk.
these children/young adults grow to harvest organs that is why they were created.
maybe she was just annoyed at the premise of the film and didn't like the whole harvesting humans thing..
i dunno but it bothered me.
i wanna see let me in. very soon.
hopefully sunday if alex isn't to tired to be dragged out of bed.
anyways.
i have more internet browsing to do.
-M

i have arrived

so i have arrived.

he plane ride was long and sweaty.

and the rambunctious child behind me wasn't allowing me to much sleep.

so instead of trying to sit back and enjoy the inflight movie of "the joneses" i chose to have a 4 hour listening of death cab for cutie.

which i must admit in hind sight is the definite better choice.

60 dollars to check my bags which was insane to me at the time. and even more insane was the sixty dollar cab ride.

i get it ..expensive.

i wanted to take the subway but my several bags prevented me from getting around easily.

and i didn't want to wait to figure how to do the whole shared ride thing.

i get in and am home.

comfortable.

take a bath and pass out .

only to be awakened at two in the morning.

i missed him so much.

i hate to sound like such a girl.

and ayaka and marcella i lose.. definately lose.

and very happy about it.

this morning we didn't even leave the house till late. took a stroll down to a hot dog stand and had chared polish dogs.

the relish was so green i know don't believe me. but i swear it looked like snot i mean neon relish.

but so good.. to much mustard for my liking especially since i hate it but all around really good.

really good fries as well.

picked up season three of the big band theory and started to have a marathon but got distracted by sex, ice cream and then well tofu passed out. so there is that.

he's sleeping currently while i write this blog i'm trying to keep myself from cuddling with him because i don't wanna wake him.

tomorrow i wanna head to oz park and take some pictures. with my camera.. it's been way to long since i've had a camera.

thank you

amri, adam, vidal, dusty, and reba for making my going away night so awesome..

the cake was amazing!.

my mom was emotional the next morning but i think she was worse when i had already left based on the facebook updates from eddie.

i'm doing well and can't wait to go in on wednesday

-M

i asked my mom last night if she thought i was crazy.
ive been asking a few people just to see what sort of answer comes up.
a boy at school brandon told me no that he moved in with his girlfriend in even less time
and my mom.. well my mom.
my told me i had balls.
to put it quaintly .
she told me i was brave and that it took strength to move half way across the country for something that i wanted.
surprising answer coming from my mom.
-m

west coast

the vegan restaurant was pretty amazing.
i spent my time making a bunch of "crab" cakes
mandolining potatoes.
forming arugula pizzas
chopping a shit load of fingerling potatoes.
chopping onions, garlic, bells, and herbs
it was pretty awesome.
the staff there is all really young and fun loving.
but serious about there shit.
so i cut my finger through the nail a bit and washed it off bandaged and gloved
i asked chef what else i can do.
and he set up a tasting menu just for me in the middle of the kitchen.
it was pretty amazing i've never had vegan food like that.
really delicious.
it excites me and i really can't wait to start there.
the other nightwood ..
while i'm sure the food was amazing because i've heard nothing but good things my experience wasn't necessarily favourable.
i got in and was immediately asked to take off my chef coat.
why i complied i felt akward about it.
this is my chef coat i've worked hard throughout my entire schooling in order to wear this maybe i've bought in but if it makes me feel good about myself what does it matter?.
anyways so i took off my coat and was instructed to slice some bacon and sopressa sausage.
and form some garnishes for bloody mary's for the next days brunch which was fine.
they were apparently having some trouble with their plumbing though. because at one point the entire upstairs and downstairs became flooded with sewer water the inside of the walk-in water dripping from the walls downstairs and i go to get a sharpie out of my pocket of my chefs coat and my coat and apron and towels are soaked with dirty sewer water the plumber had the nerve to move everything but my whites... WTF!.
it was really upsetting it didn't help at all ..
the fact that i really got along with these people as in they are the kind of people that are into mother earth and npr and cycling to work you know hipster esque with good taste in music and quiet attitudes there was no clear distinct leader there and the guy i was supposed to be working with, i get it he was busy, but he'd leave me without anything to do for large sums of time. and when i began to watch this girl measuring out and cooking she looked at me and asked what i was doing and i said "just watching" to which she replied "oh watching, not working" FUCK.. i tried to reply no it's not like that. but she either didn't hear me or didn't care to. yeah i was not wanted which is probably why they gave me the task of taking like 4-5 bunches of grapes cutting each one in half and removing all the seeds.. which took forever and by the end of it my hands were sticky and partially black from the sugars hitting the open air for so long if it was a good experience i wouldn't of cared. for vegan i would have done that all day but just the mere fact that i felt in the way of everything just drove me nuts because i'm telling these people here use me for a day i'm free work and they could really give a shit...
it was not a good day. and by the end of it he just sorta rushed me out the door saying that they were gonna be busy and i'd better go because i was tired.
i know i was tired and i iknow i wasn't giving my best because of it.
and it didn't help that the guy there kept telling me to drink some coffee.
mr. john"don't call me chef" smith.
who also kept telling me that i should never own my own restaurant .. saying it's not worth it.
wtf?.
i'm sorry.. i wanted that day to go a whole lot better i really did i wanted to do well and be out of this weekend with the feeling that wow i really can't decide which restaurant i would like to intern at.. but no .. not so much..
so now awesome vegan charismatic restaurant wins out whole heartedly over crowded apathetic farm to table restaurant which feels like it doesn't follow procedure anyway..
anyways sunday was good.
i was to sad and annoyed from the day before to really enjoy myself and the fact that i was leaving the next day didn't help.
so there were little squabbles with alex.
but it turned out well.
we went for a short exploration of the neighborhood surrounding us ..
which included a trip to the nature museum where they had a butterfly sanctuary.
which was basically an enclosed outdoor room which felt like a rainforest the air was thick and musty and from the moment you walk in it's like butterfly crossing everywhere literally hundreds of butterflies flying all around you even landing on you if you are so lucky.
and tiny little birds similar to quails running around the dirt ground in and out of the nooks and crannys almost so fast you miss them.
ate dinner at a little indian food restaurant and later at night i bought us a pint of some yummy ice cream and we layed there on are unassembled futon sharing it with one spoon out of the carton. him reading me exploring the internet off our mooched off internet connection.
the city is amazingly beautiful though.. the old buildings i must get a camera. i need one.
so this morning we finished assembling the futon.
took a shower.
made some breakfast.
scrambled eggs with siracha and cotija cheese on corn tortillas.
with some raspberry lemonade
and took the bus to the subway and now i'm here at the airport.
my first or second time taking the subway i really can't remember i saw mice running across the tracks tiny ones.
it worked out a lot easier than i thought it would.
and i'm happy with that i'm happy with this city and hope my future experiences with it are going to be nothing but positive
though i can't wait to see my friends some more before i leave for good my mom is still sad but says she's proud.
which i'm happy with. i am going to miss her and everyone i know.
naked fun must be had before i leave.
but i'm not gone yet.
FUCK PEOPLE WHO HATE LA.
that's probably the only thing i'm coming home with that i dislike.
people in chicago don't seem to be fans of l.a. which i dunno ..maybe there jealous of the weather i dunno.
everytime i mentioned l.a. they were like "oh, yeah?".. in a weird disapproving tone. which was all so apparent.
anyways my plane is boarding and i need to get on it.
-M.
p.s. i'm crazy sad that i've finally made awesome friends at school and now i'm leaving
marcella and ayaka.. you ROCK!

caffiene not good

so i'm here.
the city is pretty amazing.
i broke my glasses within the first two hours of being here
reminder: always put glasses off of floor.
we ate dinner at a little austrian bakery which was actually pretty awesome.
grilled veggies panini with olives and pickles on the side
and
a rueben.
had to carry futon parts down a few blocks with quite a few people watching and not offering to help.
this city moves really fast but i like it.
people use their horns here like crazy..
there seems to be a lot of angst in the air.
but the actual area is so beautiful
i took a walk this morning just exploring the neighborhood and just wishing to god i had a camera.
the houses here are so beautiful even the jacked up ones.
i stopped at starbucks to pass the time at like 8:30 picked up a pumpkin spice latte.
bad idea.
my hands are still shaking i apparently cant handle caffiene and i really don't like this feeling.
excitability i believe is the word.
so i was killing time before bed bath opened and i was reading the local version of la weekly which would be the chicago reader..pretty awesome.
article about scissor sisters and new movie reviews.
so bed bath i picked up:
sheet set
two pillows.
mesh laundry bag
hangers
2 bowls
2plates
2forks
2 knives
2 mugs
considering there is nothing in this little room..
i do really like it though.
i'm leaving soon for the stage.
here is to hoping it all goes well.
-M