so i vented to chris last night.
i really didn't want to since that means i'm letting him in even more so.
but the point isn't the boy its the emotions i'm feeling.
not about him but in general.
i was on the bus yesterday and i was listening to up the wolves by the mountain goats.
and i started thinking again about my childhood.
why is it the moment i move out on my own and i'm living for myself that all these memories start haunting me.?.
i had this incredibly strong urge to call up my step father and thank him.
thank him for always being there and never tying me up to a door or bed like my mom's fiance before him did.
and i just have so much anger inside of me.
and its one of those things where its like
if i express it whats the worst that can happen?.
but my brain doesn't work that way it doesn't think of the actual consequence but the idea that all life will stop if i disobey what is acceptable.
i hate that i work that way.
i need to let go more.
i am a giant ball of stress and anxiety.
and i hate it.
i hate being so fucking weird. and quiet.
-m