She,she screams in silence.

he's over.
i'm sure now.
it will never be the way it was.
i should be happy.
at least i think i should.
but there is this huge emptiness that needs to be filled and i can't stand it.
i was listening to conor this morning and he sung a line that stuck with me.
"a heart just can't contain all of that empty space, it breaks"
i feel that.
and i feel like i'm trying to hard. but i'm unsure.
i feel incredibly sensitive anymore and bit of anything and i become unsure and paranoid.
i don't wanna be this person.
chef said in class today that i cook with nervousness and that i need to loosen up.
i believe that so much.
and i need to listen to her.
******************
i also am feeling things incredibly strong.
and i'm afraid it's to soon.
i'm not sure how to approach it.
i don't wanna seem needy or clingy
but i feel myself heading down that road.
******************
So i spoke to my mother last saturday we ended up hanging out .
it was pretty awesome most of the night i did open up to her
and i guess for her it was opening a can of worms.
she i guess didn't see it coming at all.
she also suggested i seek therapy.
FML.
i don't wanna do that.
i don't wanna be that person.
i don't think that there is anything wrong with me.
at least anything that i can't handle.
i'm trying harder and harder not to bottle things up and let them be spoken when felt.
the lonliness is harder to fix.
because i can't do much about it.
i can only talk to or call someone so much before becoming an annoyance or pain.
i'll see..
-M
p.s.
salmon today if you have a facebook check it out i'll be putting it up in a while.