craziest night last night ever.
i ended up having to work all night because yo didn't come in.
and that sucked but whatever nine hours overtime.
so afterwork we headed over to dugans a local bar.
and i had my first irish car bomb..
chocolate milk so delicious.
anyways scary shit.
some one got really upset and stuck a french fry up someone elses nose and well.
a bloody nose occured.
which kept going and going.
it was a bit scary.
i wanted to cry for her guy came back well it was bizarre the whole night really.
i'm coming home on wednesday.
and its going to be awesome.
i need to call my father.
and talk to him.
though i'm not sure i want to.
but yeah.
get to hang out with my cousin.
then the next day.
memorial service.
makes me wanna cry.
but what are you gonna do you know?.
-m

four winds

life sucks currently and not really sucks but just not what i want or wanted or any of that.
ugh.
blows.
i'm stressing because i need to get home and it might not happen.
and and i'm stressing because this thing with josh is moving really fast.
and i don't know what to do with that.
i'm in a really awkward position.
and i hate it .
either way i'm going to myopic books right now wanna get something on raw food help me understand it better.
and also probably another vegan something or italian love italian then over to urban to make an impulse purchase check out the sale racks.
other than that who knows maybe reckless.
reckless is like the weakass version of amoeba here where its pretty nice but nowhere near as huge ..wait you know
bad comparision really its more like rhino.
definately rhino..
but i saw pete yorn at rhino.
but then again i saw tim kasher at reckless
so
they are equal in my eyes no good no bad just not enough selection.
either way.
i need to call my brother .
and then call my aunt till her the deal.
and see if all fails that i can just plan to go back home in a month or so .
rather then next week
if we can just hold the ticket for another date you know?.
when things are more settled i'm gonna hate everything so much though if i can't get home next week.
tears will be shed .
-M

party?

so i saw alejandro on the bus this morning
fml.
a small awkward smile came from him while i just looked at him and walked toward the back..
FML.
i hate that feeling the whole time onthe bus i couldn't concentrate.
just fucking flashes of how much i hated that small period in my life came rushing back..
FML.
i'm so happy to be in the position that i'm in right now.
and also.
i have been seeing that guy josh .
i'm starting to think i should cool it with him.
just slightly.
i don't want anything to happen like it happened with alejandro.
so.
we'll see.

bang bang

fuck this is gonna be really fucking close.
my social is coming hopefully monday..
tuesday i will head to dmv..
i hate this i hate how close this is
i'm not that person who waits till the last minute the stress is killing me.
ugh.
either way.
day off today not exactly sure what to do with the rest of it.
i did get a new tattoo.
i'd like to show it to you but i'm not gonna take my sweater off in the middle of a starbucks. so i'll give you a link.
or well.
the photo the artist took when he finished.

what do you think?.
its on my ribs which was a bitch.
and i ended up giving myself a bruise on my arm. because i needed something to bite down on.
but then when i put on my music i was fine.
either way wish me luck..
with that luck i will try to make it home in exactly two weeks.
fuck i hope this works
-M

work

waiting outside of work right now.
watching one of my shows at a starbucks.
i had forgotten it was the season finale.
as soon as i get in it will be ..
feet hit the ground running.
i'm starting to really love that saying.
it makes me think that i shouldn't stop prepping until its all done.
and that makes me even happier.
to see my prep list and have it be completley marked off this are coming together really well.
my brunch menu desserts as of right now are.
butterscotch pudding.
chocolate peanutbutter pie.
cinnamon rolls
and banana chocolate chip and blueberry muffins.
in romantic news.
i've been dating this guy i've been working with .
and in a bit of a drunken haze last night with some prompting
i talked to him about where this was going .
and i decided more we decided that we should see where this is gonna go.
he was completely cool with letting me still be single and just making it casual but he also said.
that yes he wanted to be exclusive.
so i'm gonna stop dating other people to see where this could go.
its weird because in that drunken haze last night talking to rheanna i was talking about .
how i want to leave eventually and move around and ultimately settle in southern california.
and how i want a bunch of kids .
and a farm and live that kind of life.
because it sounds ideally beautiful to me .
i only shared part of this dream with this guy.
ive told him about the farm before but that was in passing.
and i've told him more about moving around and he shares this interest .
moving and not necessarily having any ties to chicago. other than his family of course.
so we will see where this turns up until then.
i'm out.
-M

green eye'd boy

my card came in today finally i'll be going to the social security office tomorrow to get a new card for that.
and then after that boom i'll be getting an illinois i.d.
so since my card came in and well since the fact that i did 62 hours this past week
i needed some retail therapy .
insert 250 dollar bill from urban outfitters.
i was up on money for the mere fact that i hadn't spent any in weeks.
so i don't feel to bad about it.
actually feels kind of nice.
that and i have another pay check coming in on friday.
and that one will have 33 hours of overtime attached to it.
i mean.
that is pretty much my rent check just for over time which is insane.
and although i'm like super tired and my legs feel like they are going to give out at any moment.
i love what i'm doing .
and i have to use that as my mantra because otherwise i might forget and just give in to the pain and anguish that is working at a restaurant and just all around working in this industry.
...
so i have to create a new gluten free dessert and i'm thinking this peanut butter and chocolate pie with a gluten free crust.
and not only that but i have to create brunch desserts because i hate the fact that brunch kills through my desserts..
so .
what i'm thinking
scones.
muffins.
and now if i can i'd like to do doughnuts
and cinnamon rolls.
this is my project for the next weekend..
so i'll be working on it all week.
possibly going in early and such .
other things for this week..
need to dye my hair again.
it is fading way to fast so i must rebleach.
laundry.
and lets see.
i'm meeting up with this guy milos because well i sorta promised .
all this work has taken a toll on my personal life.
i've started developing something with this guy from work.
i mentioned it on here before i know .
but i mean we see eachother quite a bit.
and well he's an awesomely if not older and strange guy..
and i don't hesitate to tell him so.
either way .
that is whats going on in my life right now.
so while you read please enjoy haley bonar because she is awesome.

blue bird

could you be my dream i could have you every night and if by morning i've forgotten you well no big deal that'd be alright because you're the reoccuring kind.
you never really leave my mind..
i've been thinking of that line more and more.
wondering about things like love and relationships..
i guess it doesn't help that it came on last night while i was walking home with josh.
that went well.
i mean we didn't do much last night he got me stoned said it would help...
it did..
i think..
i'm almost better at this point still having coughing fits.
but nothing to immediately life threatening ..
in fact the fact that i'm almost back to healthy is a daunting thing .
because i have to push myself really hard tomorrow.
120 mini terrines and then.
i have to make more regular terrines as well as doing more apple pie and probably.
more pear but i'm not entire sure on the recipe for the poached pear so that could be bad as well.
......
update: PLEASE LET MONDAY COME SOON.
need day off.'
but this morning is quite nice as well.