last night was awesome..
i'm so happy for adam.
i wish my camera hadn't broke.
i'm excited for summer though the heat isn't fun.
my dad took off for the weekend him and some friends rented a house in havasu and he has his boat so well..
he'll be on a boat this weekend..
i'm off.
need to get ready for a carnival date.
-m

dear mom:
i am perfectly aware that life is expensive..
i don't expect to live on dreams..
if i wanna leave the l.a. area i expect to have to be able to afford it.
i am not delusional.
so stop being a fucking killjoy.
and let me make my own decisions without you shooting them down every other minute.
and if your so willing to point out the faults in my plans shouldn't you be willing to help out with these said faults?.
-M

i got back from my grandmothers on friday.
she's a lot worse than she used to be.
she's so tired all the time.
dad knows the story.
so does my grandma.
all she talks about is death .
she'll spurt out tears in the middle of a nice conversation.
i know she's scared and i'm not sure how to help her.
she slept all while i was there.
i made dinner and dessert for the family and
we watched a movie together.
that house is a war zone.
when it was meant to be a place of peace.
i was told recently my grandfather moved out there to be closer to his brother.
and then a year or so later his brother died.
there is cameras set up in and around the house because of my grandfather's paranoia.
i just want things to get better for her.
i'm gonna try to go out there again when my dad heads out.
-m

up late again.

it's 12:53 right now.
and i desperately want to sleep.
but i can't because
my father is blasting:
nickelback
lady gaga
beyonce
ludacris
rihanna
and various others..
now while this is very very annoying this late.
it's also even more so annoying because he has a girl in his room as well.
while i don't know what kind of girl would find his huge flat screen tv and bluray player, and live in daughter appealing somehow he's found one.
on top of that it's WEDNESDAY..
this isn't the weekend..
wtf??..
so tired..
need sleep.
-M

we had an antipasti buffet today
it was pretty awesome.
but the thing that seemed to upset everyone
is that we didn't get our demo on cheese making.
we made mozzarella and thats it and we hardly even made it.
it was pretty much already made and we formed it.
it's also become crazy upseting that everytime we are asked to do something
in a classroom setting might i add.
we have to clue why we're doing it.
we follow her blindly and that's what gets me upset even more.
shes tells me what to do today.and
15 min into me doing it a person asks why..
and i'm like..
well..
i don't know she just told me to do it.
so i dunno.
international is up next and i'm excited but even more excited over sushi tomorrow.
yum.
-M
p.s. watch the cove..
it will make you not want to eat sushi
and support the fight against the murder of dolphins and the complete disregard certain parts in japan has for our planet and everyone else in the world.

making cheeses tomorrow.
excitedly nervous..
my leg has been hurting all day and im not sure why.
hoping it will go away by the morning..
i got an 85 on my test last week..
all my chef ever does is tear us down.
we can never get it completely correct
not that i expect her to give us a gold star everytime we get it right.
but .. i dunno.
an 85 is a good grade..
but why do i still feel like i did a horrible job..
i always say the wrong thing.
and think the wrong way.
i'm hoping things work themselves out i'm loving what i'm doing.
but the way this chef talks..well.
i don't think of money that way.
i have no desire to really do the things she talks about doing.
money doesn't make the world go round in my head
maybe i'm wrong but it doesn't feel wrong in my heart..
i need to start looking for a place to extern because i'll be leaving for it in september.
and after that the real world which scares me even more.
i really wanna start looking into organic slow cooking if not vegan and vegetarian cuisine.
because that's what is important to me.
i love rustic heartfelt food.
not food that has been broken down and turned into more of exhibit while eating than a meal.
not that it doesn't take talent..
it takes more talent that i might ever possess
i just..
i'm finally starting to realize what i want
and what i want is definately not the norm.
-m

i ♥ the oscars

Mostly for the fact that it sometimes helps me discover new films that i may have over looked for the year..
but secretly for the fashion..
i adore all the hollywood glamour..
especially old hollywood glamour..
lauren becall's appearance at the oscars made me gush.
anyways.
i really need to see the hurt locker now.
-m
p.s. my favorites of the night..

Sandra Bullock: i love the old hollywood glam here.she looks amazing even if she resembles the oscar statue a bit.

Nicole Richie: she always pulls off that sixties style with ease. and this picture doesn't do the dress justice because it has a very low back, making it very sexy.
Kate Winslet: do i really need to say anything?..
she is brilliant.
she would look amazing in a paper bag.

Carey Mulligan: i love how youthful-ly goth this dress feels but i'm also in love with those shoes.

Anna Kendrick: omg this dress is so beautiful..

you can see the detail as well as i'd like on it..

and it blends into her skin a bit..

but wow ..i just adore this dress.

p.s.s what were your favorites of the night?..